I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Randomize
