I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she told me i tasted like america
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
