If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
