I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wish there were birth control emojis
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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