I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
