His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
