I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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