Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
