i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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