Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
