I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
