Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
