go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
