Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
