I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
