I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
