You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
