They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
