youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We have started to decorate penises.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
