We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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