what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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