we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
