If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
