"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
