I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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