our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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