The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
