College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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