just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
