just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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