Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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