You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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