Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think a kid would responsible me up
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
