I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is wine microwaveable?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
