this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
birth control should be required to get into college
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
