did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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