I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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