she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
