I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
