i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
