This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
