i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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