I think my vagina is haunted
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
