How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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