My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
