You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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