Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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