why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
