no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
