i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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